It's Not Fair!
Yes, I'm going to act like a child and stamp my feet on this one. If I had the energy I would probably throw a tantrum too - but I don't, so I'll leave that for now.
As you can probably guess, my period came today - a day early, just to add insult to injury.
What am I doing wrong? Is there something that isn't right in my life to make the baby not want to come to me? It's so heartbreaking to go through this every month, I try and do everything right, I watch what I eat; I take my prenatal vitamins; Baby Dance (think about it) on the right days of the cycle, and then wait - for what? To be disappointed once again.
I feel that I want to scream in grief. That's what it feels like, grief - for the baby that hasn't come. I feel that my heart has been ripped out for no reason whatsoever.
I had so many signs this month that it was going to be ok - my angels kept telling me to stay positive, I had an aura reading where the lady said she saw Archangel Michael handing me a baby, I'm seeing signs of birth everywhere - even yesterday on Dartmoor I saw a cow giving birth to her calf, which was amazing, she had no help she just did it and the calf looked healthy and was feeding well. I thought it was a sign that I would have a baby soon. Not to be though.
I want to go to the top of a big hill and just scream WHY! Why is it that people who don't want children, who even try and prevent having children get pregnant so easily by mistake, but those of us who really want a baby more than anything else have to wait so long? Why is nature so cruel like that?
I feel that I don't even want to tell my friends, don't want to hear their sympathy, the words 'it will happen one day - don't worry', don't help me.
Got to try and stay positive somehow, even if I don't feel it at the moment. It's the beginning of a new cycle, maybe this one will give me my wish. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
As you can probably guess, my period came today - a day early, just to add insult to injury.
What am I doing wrong? Is there something that isn't right in my life to make the baby not want to come to me? It's so heartbreaking to go through this every month, I try and do everything right, I watch what I eat; I take my prenatal vitamins; Baby Dance (think about it) on the right days of the cycle, and then wait - for what? To be disappointed once again.
I feel that I want to scream in grief. That's what it feels like, grief - for the baby that hasn't come. I feel that my heart has been ripped out for no reason whatsoever.
I had so many signs this month that it was going to be ok - my angels kept telling me to stay positive, I had an aura reading where the lady said she saw Archangel Michael handing me a baby, I'm seeing signs of birth everywhere - even yesterday on Dartmoor I saw a cow giving birth to her calf, which was amazing, she had no help she just did it and the calf looked healthy and was feeding well. I thought it was a sign that I would have a baby soon. Not to be though.
I want to go to the top of a big hill and just scream WHY! Why is it that people who don't want children, who even try and prevent having children get pregnant so easily by mistake, but those of us who really want a baby more than anything else have to wait so long? Why is nature so cruel like that?
I feel that I don't even want to tell my friends, don't want to hear their sympathy, the words 'it will happen one day - don't worry', don't help me.
Got to try and stay positive somehow, even if I don't feel it at the moment. It's the beginning of a new cycle, maybe this one will give me my wish. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
posted by Kate at 10:23 PM
Written by: Kate Whorlow - Angel Therapy Practitioner (trained and certified by Doreen Virtue Ph.D.)
1 Comments:
Well.. I wont say - "Don't worry then". Frankly that would be a bit hypocritical anyway, because when Penny and I were trying for Ripley it took a quite a few months, we started to ask the same questions. I remember thinking exactly the same as you mentioned. I looked at all these teenage mums, who in a recent report on the news it was revealed that the new trend for teenage parents to smoke through their pregancy in order to have a low birth weight child and thus not have a painful birth - CAN YOU F*&KING BELIEVE IT!!!... anyway - side-tracked by rage there - I looked at all these new mums who probably just got pregnant from a toilet seat and thought how it must be some kind of cosmic joke that we who waited for the right time were having problems. Anyway - a few months on and Ripley was conceived. I know you dont want to hear this - but getting stressed and angry really doesn't help. Set yourself a date, for example - June 2007. If nothing has happened by then go to the GP and discuss the options. If you have a date in mind it will offset the need to panic a bit and probably help with the conception. Just my humble opinion of course. Good luck Kate - but you don't need it.
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